If your once lively, flirty, and exciting long-distance relationship seems to be faltering, remember you are not alone. Research states that 82% of long-distance relationships fall along the way due to several reasons. These include communication issues, unmet expectations, and even cheating. While the beginning of any relationship, including a long-distance one, seems reassuring and attractive, studies say it takes real effort to make it withstand the waves.
Of course, the desires and adrenaline rush that goes with such a relationship makes most people imagine they can surmount any hurdle, including the physical absence. But that doesn’t happen. And according to an Ohio state university study, a more significant percentage of these relationships often end even before a couple can move in together.
The truth behind any long-distance relationship is that although it sounds and appears fun and passionate, it lacks that physical touch. This lack of physical closeness and proximity often removes the actual battle-test, typical domestic relationship.
Relationship experts also say a huge percentage of these LDR (Long Distance Relationships) involves people who have never met each other. Perhaps they met on social media, which can be an issue since they do not know each other in an actual physical aspect. And besides living in a fantasy, here are other reasons your long-distance relationship could be failing.
Lack of Regular Communication
There is such much importance attached to communication in any relationship. But it takes an even more urgent and intense significance in a long-distance relationship. Constant communication is key to building feelings, trust, and a sense of belonging. But if this crucial aspect of a relationship is absent, then maintaining a relationship can be difficult.
With advanced technology, face-timing videos, phone calls, and messaging can help. But sometimes, even with all these gadgets available, people do not just communicate and talk with each other that often. Reasons abound, including not finding the time to communicate. Experts also say phone calls, texting, and the like, are okay, but they can’t replace a physical presence.
Proximity enables you to feel another’s breathing, body language, and an overall sensation of being together. You can easily see an immediate individual reaction to something you said or did. You can also determine your partner’s response to difficult situations such as your sickness.
On the contrary,
A long-distance relationship has people dealing with so much limited information about each other. Therefore, understanding each other’s different needs could be challenging. LDR doesn’t offer a perfect ground for healthy discussion and read another mind as you are miles apart.
Another flipside is that the gadget-based mode of communication is often too shallow, not paying off with the much-needed physical interaction. It also takes money and actual effort to keep up with daily exchanges.
Assuming you are thousands of miles apart, the time differences also work against your communication plan. For example, a typical time difference could be between 6 – 15 hours, causing communication delays and inconveniences. Where you are wide awake wanting to talk, the other could be deep asleep.
Relationship mentors say that a relationship can survive if it begins long-distance than otherwise. Why, because that dynamic already existed, and so it is not a big deal. On the other hand, if you were once used to the other person’s presence, the lack of constant communication can be disheartening and put a damper and emotional toll on your partner.
Lastly, a long-distance relationship can begin to adapt to a voice-and-text situation, which then assumes its unique shape in the connection. It is why you could be feeling odd with a physical meet which does not reflect the messaging and voice calls.
Long Distance Relationships Are Prone to Mistrust
Perhaps the most crucial aspect of a solid and lasting romantic relationship is trust. Yet, trust issues can emerge if you do not see your significant other over prolonged periods, even
when they have no tangible backing. An LDR can be saddled with doubts and uncertainties because you are never sure of what your partner does in their free time.
Being away from your partner also provides the opportunity to do other things. The issue arises if the other is preoccupied and curious about what you are doing. They could question your interactions and relationships on the other end because they feel insecure. Even though proximity and physical contact doesn’t guarantee complete trust, it is easy to monitor the moral compass of your significant other.
The other deal-breaker leading to mistrust is if your partner cannot disclose full details of what they are doing. Sadly, any trust issue does not just stop there. Instead, it can breed and trigger negative emotions, including anger, frustration, and defeat. What could prompt an end to a relationship than feeling neglected because you do not trust the other person?
You cannot freely and deeply share your doubts with this person because the distance factor makes things so much worse. A long-distance relationship means that you can’t express yourself fully. Neither can your partner reassure you as they would in a physical face-to-face relationship.
Physical Intimacy is an Issue in Long Distance Relationships
Sexual fulfillment is a critical variable in a romantic relationship. But because you are apart, any under-the-sheets exploration is off the menu until you meet. Most relationships would go for weeks, months, and even years without physical intimacy. These prolonged periods can lead to sexual frustration, which needs an outlet.
Of course, it is now so much easier to manage the urges using adult toys. Besides being the best way to be intimate with your partner, sex toys also help you quench the thirst. Another great tip to overcoming sexual urges is to keep busy while finding creative ways to bond. Those virtual date nights accompanied by friendly flirting and phone sex can work too. But most of the LDRs forget to engage in these seemingly little rituals, which are vital to maintaining intimacy.
It is Costly to Maintain Long Distance Relationships
The cost implications of most long-distance relationships can often be why such relations can’t last, especially on a limited budget. For example, planning for a physical meeting could also mean booking costly airline tickets. It could imply you put hotel accommodation into consideration too. Even when you live in the same country or region, maintaining this kind of relationship can still incur vast amounts of money.
Take, for instance, those substantial phone bills and transportation costs. Think of the money that goes into fueling your car to travel to another city or town. Even when you choose to travel via public transport still, it will dent your pocket. Suppose you send any packages regularly. Then you must also pay for the shipping costs.
In the absence of your partner, you may decide to mingle in a new social circle, which also means spending to keep up with the Joneses.
Meanwhile, you can never escape the cost implications even when you finally meet. Due to the long separation periods, spending vast amounts of money, say for food and entertainment, to make for the time you lost is almost unavoidable. Since it takes money to maintain a long-distance relationship, it becomes challenging to keep it going for much longer if you are low on finances.
But the relationship could also fumble if it is just one party shouldering the financial burden. Assuming that both of you are splitting the bill, one of you could still feel the other is not doing enough, which of course, creates resentment. Frankly, it can be challenging to talk and discuss money issues openly.
Finally, this type of relationship also has hidden costs that you may not register immediately. The adage, time costs money stands so true. For example, you can factor in the amount of time you spend on the phone when you could be doing something else. Most people can begin to shy away from the relationship once they see that it can’t meet its overwhelming costs.
There is Uncertainty About the Future
Living in different zip codes could mean just one thing; that each of you has other interests they are pursuing. It is almost a sure sign that you are diverse both in thought and action such that you can comfortably live without your significant other.
But even if you just met, it wouldn’t be sensible to give up your current life and move in with your partner. The constraints are usually many. For example, you can’t resign or sell your house on a whim.
Indeed, a few confess to having done that.
But the success of such an action applies to a smaller percentage that may have taken the relationship into perspective to make things work. Mostly though, it takes strength and willpower to leave your life and join someone else on an impulse, and so most adopt a wait-and-see game.
While at it, it seems none of you is sure about the future because you cannot sit down and plan. Even if you first started together, the initial dreams and plans could stutter because of a lack of physical togetherness. In this case, plans remain in suspended mode with a forward movement almost impossible. It could also be hard to chase the same values and aspirations since different living environments offer equally different options. These other life perspectives can conflict with your partner’s.
Obscurity surrounds the most important things that form a perfect domestic arrangement such that those in LDR give up along the way. Meanwhile, people who weather this storm say it is all about setting manageable goals as a couple and taking deliberate steps to achieve them. For example, creating visit plans should have concrete steps to set the ball rolling within each particular visit.
It May Be Difficult to Keep the Fire Burning
Although the beginning of any relationship has that mystery and excitement factor, being apart for long periods can kill the urge and passion. Proximity, which allows both of you to explore other things besides the flirting and unexciting monologues, is absent in an LDR. In the long run, the daily conversations become somewhat monotonous and boring.
And while research states that the way you dress and talk is a critical romance factor that can only go so far. Talking via video or messaging may not bring out the best in your partner. As the attraction begins to fade, the initial humor and laughter that characterized your romance might be thawing too. So, unless you have other common life aspects that bind you, the relationship can begin to wane.
Again as time passes, the saying out of sight, out of mind becomes so true. The object of your affection begins to appear like a mirage and not strictly natural. Since people react to something they can see and touch., those emails or voice calls do not seem real enough. It is the reason most people give up and opt for something tangible that is nearby.
And finally, it can be hard to build feelings and emotions with someone that is far away. Most people prefer a person they can hug, kiss, or snuggle. Without these human responses, loneliness sets in, which makes them decide otherwise.
How You Can Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work
Life practicalities and realities are among the leading causes of long distance relationships. For example, studies, work, and even military commitment can explain why you find yourself in such a relationship. It means you have to keep the relationship going no matter what. Here are some of the things you can do for a successful long-distance relationship.
Make Communication More Regular
To keep your long-distance relationship solid and stable, you must communicate constantly. Whether you have just met or been at it for a long time, the only way you can know and enjoy each other is to talk. With regular communication, you can easily open up about what is happening in your life. You can then understand your partner’s likes or dislikes, and you can also set common goals that enrich your relationship. Communication enables you to know your position in the other person’s life, developing the plan for a long life together.
Prioritizing and Focusing on Your Long-Distance Partner
Of course, each person has those social and economic commitments that go on in their daily lives. But to make your partner feel you value them, you might have to shelve some of those local obligations and make your relationship a top priority. It means creating quality times just for them and doing things to make them feel special. Reassure them and remove situations in your life that could create mistrust.
Providing the Space
Clinginess is one of the leading causes of numerous heartbreaks. Even though you are miles apart, that doesn’t mean you budge into your partner’s face each time you feel like it. Remember, each of you has individual lives separate from your relationship. It is why you should allow your partner to lead their life, do their job, and mingle. Chasing after them or being insecure without respect for space and time can be irritating and cause relationship failure.
Addressing Issues Quickly
Like any other relationship, issues can crop up in your long-distance relationship. The earlier you handle and sort out any of these problems, the greater the peace. Indeed, distance can be a very limiting factor. However, you can still use all available means to talk and communicate amicably with your significant other to remain on the same page.
Commit and Share Your Lives
Long-distance relationships are work, requiring you to put in tremendous effort. For example, you can commit specific amounts of time just for your partner. But also share various aspects of your life with them. Say you have family and friends; you can share these people with your partner to feel they belong. You can also allow your social networks to be part of your relationship too and this gives both of you a robust support system that enables you to withstand the distance.
Finally, Plan Together
Planning includes talking about things you can do in your relationship in the not distant future when you can be together. Planning also sets the platform for common achievable goals, which removes ambiguity and uncertainty. It allows for a forward movement such that you are not suspended for much longer.
Long-distance relationships are inevitable due to the world’s fast-paced study and work life. While a long-distance doesn’t have to endanger a relationship automatically, various relationship studies say a majority do not go the whole haul. Commitment and contact with reality are vital to sustaining a love relationship. But these are often nonissues in an LDR.
Most couples in long distance relationships overlook them in the short moments they meet as they choose to compensate for lost times. In this case, there is a lack of reality, which could be detrimental once the truth starts to sink.
But you can change this narrative, and all you need is to put in the effort, especially if you value your partner. Making them a priority, with critical elements such as regular and meaningful communication, trust, and setting common goals, can sustain and make the relationship productive.